Enough Already

Well, the boys are back in town, Parliament is in session, Paul Martin's jet is being given a fifty-million-mile frequent-flyer overhaul, and the main topic that will be discussed during the month of February is same-sex marriage.

Aren't you tired of this yet?

This issue is over; it's done. The horses have left the barn and all we're doing now is debating what to call the barn doors; are they doors, or are they a civil union of lumber? Who cares? Homosexuals have been marrying for more than a year now, the sky hasn't fallen, my marriage seems to be about the same as it was last year, there has been no surge in crime, rape, or indecent exposure, and last time I checked, the stock market hasn't crashed.

Enough already!

There were only two issues seriously discussed last fall amidst Martin's foreign legion tours and Jack Layton's love-ins, namely the aforementioned marriage crisis and missile defense, two issues that are about as moot as how the caramel gets inside the Caramilk bar.

Somehow it does, for some reason Bush will move ahead, and whether you like it or not, same-sex marriage is here to stay.

Yet you'd think there were no other problems in this country worth the nation's and the government's time other than kicking queers and panicking the pious. Harper has taken to ad campaigns and fear mongering, whatever Martin was up to in Asia on his magical mystery tour was completely overshadowed by marriage talk, clergy never heard from outside of choir practice have weighed in with warnings of doom and destruction, and completely lost in the shuffle are the issues and promises that we all voted on in the last election.

Remember that hospital wait-time thing? Bet you're still waiting.

When Martin got together with the premiers last September, he tossed 41 billion dollars at them like meat to a pack of laughing hyenas, took a bow and proclaimed his promise on health care fulfilled. Opposition leaders grumbled consent for what amounted to a massive cash grab with few or no strings attached when they should have been doing what oppositions are supposed to do, which, last time I checked, was to oppose the government, preferably on something important.

With what amounts to stuffing dollar bills into a leaky dam, the first indications of just how successful this really is can already be seen in Ontario hospitals where they are facing the highly ironic scenario of having to lay off nurses while off-loading doctors' duties onto nurses because there aren't enough doctors. And there won't be for years to come.

So what's the ten-year Martin health care vision now? Nursing duties off-loaded onto orderlies because we've fired all the nurses? Cardiac surgery handled by retrained, lower-priced bank tellers? Perhaps the idea is to make the very thought of going to a hospital so frightening that there won't be any wait-time problem at all because there won't be anyone there.

Clever that Martin is, eh?

And how is the child care issue going, besides the growing threat gay marriage apparently poses? Well, aside from the fact that daycare workers are about the only people getting to see a living, breathing hockey player and Stanley Cup champion to boot during this season of sporting labour strife (albeit in the form of retired hockey puck Ken Dryden, now Minister of Social Development), not a whole hell of a lot. Lots of consultation, of course, and if the government's track record is any indication, there will be a big press conference, a big cheque, big applause, and not much more than a ten-figure hole in the government's books and a proclamation of another promise kept.

Martin also pledged to revamp our military, which so far has involved the Governor General taking field trips to Afghanistan to inspect the troops and Bill Graham giving stirring speeches full of vague talk about future help; dollar bills in leaking holes, most likely. And the one thing you can't quite plug with money, integrity in government (something Martin vowed to see returned to the political stage in Ottawa), is in as short supply as Romanian strippers apparently are in Mississauga.

Just ask Judy Sgro.

So please put this issue to bed and move on, people. There are more important things to deal with, and no, I don't mean the hockey season. That one's over too.