Decisions, Decisions

Try as he might, Paul Martin just couldn't make up his mind: Should he put the left sock on first, or the right? They looked the same. But were they, in the big picture, really the same?

Well, perhaps I can put that off for a bit and read the morning paper, he thought. No sense rushing into these things, after all.

With a polite knock on the Prime Minister's door, Pierre Pettigrew flicked his luxurious hair and entered the office.

"You don't seem to be wearing any socks, Paul."

"I'm quite aware of that, Pierre. Let me ask you, which one do you start with, the right or the left?"

"You came to work in your bare feet?"

"Of course I did, Mr. Decisive Sock-wearer. Some of us like to be careful with our decisions before we make them. Now, what is it?"

"I was wondering if perhaps you could make sure we're all on the same page next time, Paul. You had us looking pretty stupid when you said we hadn't told the Americans about our missile defense decision when I'd already told Condi."

"Well, there you go, Pierre! If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times: Don't say anything substantial until you're forced to. Take these socks, for instance. Sheila wondered why I was heading out the door in my bare feet, and do you know what I told her? Not a damn thing! Just walked right out into the snow and didn't look back. Ha!"

"Ah, well that's great, Paul. But perhaps we could go over why we backed out of missile defense again; just so I'm clear when I meet with Condi next. I am Foreign Affairs Minister, after all."

"What do you mean? I think I was very clear on that. Didn't I say I wanted to be very clear on that?"

"Yes, Paul, but you were very clear on it last year too, which is rather different from how you're being very clear on it now, and I'm having a hard time keeping up with you, much less being very clear on things."

"Well, if you stop approaching your job with the haste you employ in clothing your feet, perhaps you'd have a better understanding. Sit down, Pierre. Coffee?"

"Ah, no thank you, Paul."

"Hmmm, perhaps I shouldn't have any more either...maybe I'll have a half cup and think about it then, eh? Ha ha! Now listen, Pierre. We are definitely not participating with the US on missile defense. No way. I know it's taken me some time to sort this one out, but that one's final, trust me."

"Well, McKenna certainly seems to think we are."

"Well, what does that fool know?"

"He's your ambassador to the United States, Paul."

"Perhaps I'll have to rethink that appointment...tell me, have you ever seen him put on socks?"

"What?! Ah, yeah. Sure, Paul. He puts the right one on first."

"Really? Oh, thank goodness we know that! I'll put the left one on then, eh?"

"Paul, would you listen to me for a minute? I think I can speak for most of caucus when I say that we'd all like to know what the hell we are doing! One minute we're all for missile defense, the next we're not. Graham's still steamed about you backtracking on sending military trainers to Iraq, and the Syrian peacekeeper jokes people keep making are wearing pretty thin, Paul."

"I was being ironic with that Syrian peacekeeping thing, Pierre. Let's be very clear on that. Now calm down. There's no need to get upset. I think this is a problem we can both handle...so tell me, argyle or sweat?"

"What?!"

"Socks, Pierre. Pay attention. Now, I know that neither really goes with this suit, but I sort of like the look of argyle, whereas sweat socks are much more comfortable, though I'd look a bit like Forrest Gump if I wore them with these dress shoes...."

"Paul, between you and me, Condi is starting to wonder whether you can make a clear decision on anything and stick to it!"

"Well that's rather easy for her to say...anyone can put on a pair of pantyhose after all; decision's already made for you, if you think about it."

"Fine, Paul, fine. But for the record, we definitely are not part of missile defense, right?"

"Right."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!"

"Absolutely, my pretty French butt...I know that look!"

"Well, I'm just thinking, you really do want to be at the table on important matters like this, and a person never wants to say never...we'll see, Pierre. I'll let you know. Don't worry."

"Uh huh...by the way, Paul, I lied. I don't know which sock Frank puts on first."

"Oh great! Just when I thought I was getting somewhere."