Endangered Species

It is with heavy heart that I must relay the news that another Canadian species will likely be added to the endangered list in the very near future, unless immediate and concerted action is taken. In fact, it may already be too late, as the pressures of modern society and an increasingly capital-conscious world encroach ever further into this poor creature's habitat, cutting off the very lifeblood of its existence, and threatening its continued survival.

Yes, the Canadian Governor General is about to become but a memory, a relict, a living fossil from a long ago age of plenty, a beast that has run out of answers, out of options, out of time.

Like the slow, inexorable decline of many a species before, the case of the Governor General involves both a change in habitat and the unchecked expansion of the species into environments for which it was not adapted. It is a case of mismanagement and neglect, and most sadly, a case of society turning a blind eye to the plight of a once majestic creature.

Many would say the "GG," as it is known in the field, was destined to this fate, what with its propensity to migrate to foreign lands and strange habitats, and being a parasitic creature by nature, its tendency to use whatever resources are at hand to make these needless, and as we now can see, foolhardy, sojourns. Yet, for some time many experts argued that natural checks and balances would keep this compulsive aspect of the GG in check, and that it was actually a vital mechanism in moderating differences between the ecosystems into which the GG seemed compelled to migrate.

For all we know, this might have been how things would have turned out, but as in so many cases before, human meddling came into play. There were those who felt the migratory compulsions of the GG, now so obviously without any evolutionary merit, and quite frankly a wasteful trait in its otherwise impressive development, actually offered a new frontier for research. They argued that further resources be put towards supporting the GG, and were in favour of aggressive introduction to even more far-flung, unlikely habitats. It was at this point that the GG began to consume more than its habitat, support system, and lifeline could possibly ever allow.

Study after study has shown that in the last five years alone, the GG has doubled its already artificially high consumption rates, with well-intentioned experts and field support workers pushing the GG beyond its precarious balance, right over a cliff from which it is not likely to recover.

What is truly sad is not just the plight of the GG itself, but of a related species with which it is known to pair, for life in many cases. This strange coupling of parasitic species is little known to the public, particularly given that the animal in question, known only by its scientific term Spouseus Generalus, as no one has found it interesting enough to give a common name, is rare, reclusive, and only normally found in musty wine cellars. But in a telling recent report we learn that the only known example, lovingly named "Sauly" by researchers, has been showing increasing signs of agitation, to the point of outright hostility. While it's well known that many species become this way during times of stress, drought, or attack, some argue that Spouseus Generalus is particularly sensitive to changes in its environment, and that "Sauly's" reaction is predictive.

If the GG is to survive, urgent, decisive action is needed, particularly in the areas of migration control and habitat management. Research suggests that the GG must be restrained in its travels, tagged, monitored, and limited to a controlled area for the foreseeable future until we can truly learn what makes this animal function, and what can be done to allow it to flourish once again. Controlled breeding coupled with a gentle introduction into a captive environment may be the only answer, because the species, as it stands, has gone beyond the balance and limits that its environment demands.

I ask you: how much better would the world be if we still had the Dodo bird?

Exactly.