A Better Explanation

Three little green men stood around a slumped human form in the Prime Minister's office late one evening, twiddling their ray guns while they went over their plan for a third time....

"So, if I understand correctly, Bleezarp, I am to impersonate the 'Prime Minister,' call myself 'Paul Martin', and carry out these instructions, which you say the 'Canadians' will actually let me do?"

"Yes, Fartleblast, that is correct, though please note in your manual that only in formal situations are you called 'Paul Martin'...at the human's home you are to respond to 'pooky' or 'jitters.'"

"But I worry these humans will quickly become suspicious, Bleezarp."

"Nonsense...tell him, Cownartz."

"Thank you, sir. As you can see, Fartleblast, this environmental suit you will wear is both fully functional and an exact likeness of the human 'Martin.' Just be sure to flap your arms a lot, drink lots of coffee, and make liberal use of those key phrases I've given you, like 'Let me tell you' , and no one will notice."

"No, that is not what I mean...these things you actually want me to have the human do...well, you have to admit, they're a little strange."

"Like what?"

"Well, for instance, you want me to take all these 'Premiers' into a back room, give them lots of money, and not ask them to do anything for it? Is that not out of character for the human?"

"No, Fartleblast, it is not in the least, you have to understand that."

"But, Bleezarp, you told me yourself that this human used to take money from these men, in front of everyone...logically, this is very inconsistent behaviour."

"Fartleblast, were you raised by heffleflabs? Hm? I've told you that this human has a long history of increasingly erratic, illogical behaviour! You must brief yourself better next time."

"Sorry, it's just that this seems so odd, and well, will they not call this very irresponsible?"

"Oh my...yes, they will, but if you had taken the time to read the section on 'human politics' you would understand that this is quite normal for a 'politician.'"

"And it says here that after I give the money away, I am to give speeches proclaiming that this was a great success and will solve the very real problems these humans are having with their health care system. Are you telling me that they will find this normal, as well?"

"Yes, they will."

"Even though it clearly will not be a success and will not achieve anything?"

"Even though it will clearly not, yes."

"...I'm still confused."

"Fartleblast, if your father wasn't such a good and influential friend, you would not have gotten this assignment; remember that. Now, please follow me here: yes, this is a clearly ludicrous thing to say and do, but these are humans, and more importantly in this case, these are 'Canadian' humans, a clearly more gullible and easily managed subspecies."

"So, even though this human promises to truly fix their system of health maintenance, and promises to be open about how he will do it, and will clearly not do so, this will be alright with the...um, what is it called?"

"Electorate, Fartleblast. And yes, it will. In fact, all indications are that he'll get re-elected for it...so you can stop entertaining thoughts about a quick little work tour. "

"Yes, sir...though I hope you will notice I did read up on 'health care'"

"Well, that has you one up on the human...now pay attention. There will be lots of talk about this being a 'ten year' deal...well, it won't be. These 'Premiers,' we expect, will soon be asking for more money, and when they come to you, just close the door and give it to them, Fartleblast...don't ask questions, just hand it over. Trust me, they will take it, suspicions or no."

"Would it not be easier just to blast them all and be done with it, sir? This seems like a lot of fuss for an invasion."

"Fuss?! Why would we go to all the trouble of shooting the place up when using a few well-chosen plants will, with some time and patience, I'll grant you, bring about social and financial ruin all on its own...haven't you been reading the reports? Our 'world leaders' are doing wonderful work, and the point here, Fartleblast, is that the humans let them."

"But it sounds like this 'Paul Martin' was doing fine all by himself."

"Indeed, but we had to find you a job somewhere, and this seemed like an assignment you just couldn't screw up...now go get 'em!"

...Do you have a better explanation?