Looking for a job, are you? Well, friend, why don't you step into my office? Mind the spikes to your left; they're rather sharp. Now, let me tell you that this is your lucky day. Business is booming, and there is no shortage of work! No, sir, there's lots to go around, and I bet a smart fella like you could make himself a pretty good dollar if you're the kind to apply yourself.

Not scared of blood, are you? Ah, good. You'll get nowhere in this business if you're the squeamish type.

Needless to say, the off-shore torture trade has been going absolutely crazy since 9/11, or as we fondly refer to it, Pay Day. Of course, we used to get a bit of work from time to time, but it was really just a sideline sort of thing back then; paid for the odd winter getaway, if you will. And if you didn't love your work, there was no real sense being in it.

But that, my friend, is ancient history. Yes, sir, ever since Bush signed off on torturing terrorist suspects, why we've been running around the clock; three shifts a day, and we still can't keep up. You wouldn't believe how many people they've been sending over to us to "soften-up," as they like put it. Can you believe that? It makes it sound like we're a bunch of bakers kneading dough! Well, let me tell you that when we're done with those boys they're so soft you could make a pillow out of them!

Now, officially speaking, we never use the "T" word, except around the water cooler and at business conventions. No, what we're involved in is called "rendition." Rather sterile sounding, don't you think? But the process is quite simple: the CIA "renders" to us their suspected terrorists or whoever else they choose, as long as they have citizenship in one of the many countries we now operate in, Egypt, Syria, Jordan and the like, and then we "render" them a little more!

Ha, ha...sorry, bit of a play on words, that. Now, where was I?

What's that? Well, of course the US is at odds with Syria, officially speaking, but then there is a lot in our business that has its "official" side, after all. For instance, we "officially" give assurances that people in our care will not be unduly harmed and are detained according to the United Nations' Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment, which "officially" the US ensures that we follow. Oh, don't worry; they never actually meddle, as long as we give them the odd scrap or two about terrorist plots and such; we usually just make it up, anyway.

Now, it says here that you are skilled in the use of whips, is that correct? And I notice too that you've had three years apprenticing in electro-shock application. Very nice, very nice. I should warn you, though, that we have quite a few experts in that area, and to be honest, the Americans seem more interested in "alternative" techniques, which can be rather unsavoury for your less experienced torturer. Does sexual coercion bother you at all? I mean, it doesn't actually involve rape, unless you're so inclined, but some feel a little uncomfortable playing with prisoners in this manner. No? Wonderful! Well, I see I have a real go-getter in front of me. Fantastic!

There are the standard duties to perform, of course, your beatings and druggings and such, which can be a bit mundane at times, but don't worry, we spice things up now and then.

Let me ask you: Would you be interested in working in Uzbekistan? The scenery is nothing to write home about, but the work can be very satisfying. Oh, certainly, the US loves our branch there. The Uzbeks have this charming custom of boiling people; one body part at a time. It's exciting work and let me say, if you've ever made Cup-a-Soup, you can handle it, no problem.

So, we can sign you up for that then? Excellent! And I'm assuming we have no hang-ups about human rights, due process and such? Indeed, how could we be involved with this sort of thing if we did, eh? Ha ha. Well, I'm glad to see we have no concerns about that then, and neither does our best customer, I can assure you.

I mean, we'd be out of business if they did, after all, now wouldn't we?