With the Canadian government falling apart at the seams after weeks of sordid details right out of GoodFellas, it has once again become fashionable to talk about the "fairer sex" and the "maleness" of corruption. The world would be full of flowers and dancing children, socks would be picked up off the carpet and garbage would be at the curb on time, if only women held the reins; or so some would have you believe.

While I normally respond to such tripe by uttering two words, Margaret Thatcher, no amount of lecturing about a single-minded female's bloody pursuit of a South American rock will change the minds of those who think women possess some inherent sense of justice and fair play, much less curb Helen Reddy quotations. Only men hurt people; only men cause war; only men forget to pay the phone bill.

And according to a 1999 World Bank study that is suddenly all the rage now that the hairy hands pulling the political levers have been caught raiding the Canadian cookie jar, the more women you have in active government, the less corruption. Given the obscene rarity of femininity not only in federal cabinet but on the national political stage, it's seductive to think that all the world needs is a dose of estrogen and two layers of pastel primer to face its demons and weed the proverbial garden.

Having long grown tired of being blamed for everything from War and Pestilence to poorly positioned toilet seats all because of a few extra inches of plumbing that I never asked for, I think it's about time to try a little experiment. Yes, my brothers, the moment has come to give the ladies the deed to the farm and send them on their way.

So, here you go ladies, take the whole damn mess. It's yours.

Now, before I'm pilloried like Prince Charles on a photo op, let me say that I'm quite serious about this. I would like nothing more than to have federal cabinet filled with women, a tantalizing mound of money at their fingertips, and see just how long it takes before the skimming starts and designer boutiques blossom like ragweed while our price savvy female leaders lay down hundreds of ill-gotten dollars for five-dollar handbags because they have the words "Gucci" on the side.

And I would also love to have our military completely staffed by women, and see what good feminist passivism really means when each has a gun in her hand, tempers are flaring, and the self-help manuals just don't seem to cut it anymore after someone forgets the safety catch. If nothing else, it might lead to my being actually mentioned if I get shot, rather than the usual reports of "many casualties, including women and children." Like men don't matter in the body count?

I've always felt a bit left out when I hear that.

But let's not stop there. Yes, my brothers, it's time to not only smash the glass ceiling and help our sisters up, but give them the security code to the executive washroom and clear out of the board room. Let them run the ship like the honest folk they claim to be, and clean up the dirty mess we've made on the corporate scene.

Because unlike their thick-headed male counterparts (and perhaps Martha Stewart, who many suspect is really a man with good colour sense), it takes a woman to see the relative nature of what really is and isn't corruption in the first place.

Take Eleanor Clitheroe, former CEO of Hydro One, who reasoned that spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of company money ferrying her child and nanny around town in limos was not an abuse of funds, but rather, proper compensation for the underpaid (2 million dollars in salary and bonuses) executive on the go. It was board approved, after all; and let's be honest, by a very male board. So, in the end, whose fault was it really?

Feel better about your stock portfolio? I know I do.

So let all us men vote for women, promote women, defer to women, and most of all emulate women. Let's see where it takes us, and whether it's true what they say, my brothers. Maybe it's not just a stereotype. Maybe we are the bloodthirsty, evil, political and corporate scum that they say we are.

Not that I'm suggesting anyone is stereotyping, mind you.