So your family just got washed out to sea, you say? Wow, that's tough luck. And your entire town too? Well, fella, we all have our problems this time of year, don't we? All those family visits, night after night of turkey; I can't tell you how much I hate turkey right now. Then there was Boxing Day, with the crowds, and the returns. It leaves you kind of frazzled, you know what I mean? Now don't get me wrong, pal, that tsunami was rotten luck and all, but if I gave money to every guy who held his hand out, where would I be? Okay, look, here's a dime; just don't go and spend it all in one place....

And so goes the world's reaction to the deadliest tsunami in 200 years.

With a collective economic output of over $30 trillion annually (that's $30 thousand billion for those of you who start getting dizzy after nine zeros), the combined might of America, Japan, the European Union and Canada managed to find it within themselves to offer a whopping $50 million on that first post-Christmas morning when visions of floods, death, and misery interrupted our Boxing Day hangovers.

The wealthiest and most powerful nations of the world, where the dominant religion is Christianity and the favourite yuletide slogan is "the spirit of giving," saw their governments give what amounted to a lump of coal and a half-hearted pat on the back to the local homeless.

Of course, that "giving thing" has the life expectancy of your average tsetse fly once the plum pudding is disposed of and the fruit cake has been thrown out for another year.

Not that anyone told Colin Powell, who strutted up to the microphone and proudly announced that the United States was offering a grand total of $15 million in aid for the millions of homeless and relatives of the 60 thousand dead (and counting) like some sort of rehabilitated scrooge presenting a prize turkey to the Cratchits. The soon-to-be-unemployed Secretary of State could hardly contain himself, or keep from hugging the closest cripple.

And then someone suggested to him that this was a bit of a stingy overture. That sure popped Colin's bubble.

To put this in perspective, America is currently spending over $5 million an hour occupying Iraq; $130 million a day, $3.9 billion a month, for almost two years, fighting a war of its own making and killing nearly twice as many civilians the slow way as a thirty-foot wave managed in a matter of hours.

And all America can spare is three hours worth of war-making money? Damn good thing the home of the brave was shamed into adding another $20 million, eh?

Ah, but what's Mr. Peace-loving Pacifist Writer's country doing that the good folks down in the US aren't? Very good question, my neo-con friend. What should embarrass the white doves out of our smug, morally superior bonnets is a response that might only look good if we were collectively applying to work for Donald Trump.

Canada found a whole million bucks. That's just over three cents per person...try to contain yourself.

Now, to be fair, we found another $3 million somewhere in our $9 billion budget surplus about a day and three embarrassed shrugs later, which almost matches the food, wine and travel bill racked up by our Governor General last year while she entertained 59 of her favourite artists on the public tab. And if you're not from around here, a Governor General is a bit like a very pricey hood ornament that requires constant and expensive maintenance, and for the most part adds nothing to the look of the car...a budgetary priority, if there ever was one.

Oh, and we also have something called DART, or Disaster Assistance Response Team, a specially designed unit of two hundred people that can be quickly deployed to help with things like water purification, medical care and other infrastructure concerns, which we haven't quite deployed yet because we're still deciding if this situation warrants it (?!).

Perhaps we'll finally do something when contaminated water and lack of any medical care or supporting infrastructure claim a million or so lives...stay tuned.

As for the 25 member countries of the European Union, they managed to scrape together $4 million, though as everyone says, there will be more to come.

But there's a lot more suffering to come for Sri Lanka, India, Indonesia, Thailand, Burma, Malaysia, and Somalia too, and all we seem to have for them is chump change.

Too bad Christmas is over.